"Wichita Falls' Unwritten Rules: How to Survive (and Thrive) in North Texas' Underdog City" You won't find these rules in any guidebook, but learn them fast if you want to make it in Wichita Falls:
The Whataburger Hierarchy
- After midnight, the Kemp Street location becomes the city's unofficial town square
- Never order ketchup - the Fancy Ketchup™ is a point of civic pride
- The drive-thru attendant will judge your life choices at 3 AM
Oilfield Etiquette
- Don't brag about your bonus check at the bar (but do buy a round)
- If your truck isn't dirty, you're not working hard enough
- Everyone knows someone who died on a rig - respect the stories
Military Zone Awareness
- Jet noise complaints will get you labeled "not from around here"
- Never ask "So when are you getting deployed?" at parties
- The best breakfast tacos are near base gates (but cash only)
Weather Survival Code
- If the wind stops blowing, check for tornadoes immediately
- "It's a dry heat" is both a complaint and a point of pride
- Learn which underpasses flood first during storms
Social Survival Guide
- High school football allegiance determines your social circle
- Everyone has a Sheppard AFB horror story or hookup story
- The correct answer to "Red or green?" is always "Both"
Unspoken Driving Rules
- Left lane is for racing, right lane is for oilfield equipment
- The real speed limit is 9 over (except near Iowa Park)
- Honking is reserved for actual emergencies
The Walmart Economy
- Post-payday Wichita Falls TX weekends are combat zones
- The pet section doubles as a dating pool
- You Wichita Falls Texas will eventually run into your ex in aisle 12
Dining Truths
- If a restaurant hasn't poisoned anyone in 20 years, it's "clean"
- Real Mexican food requires crossing the tracks
- The best steak Wichita Falls isn't at a restaurant - it's at someone's backyard grill
The Oklahoma Rules
- Gas up before crossing the river (it's a matter of principle)
- OU fans are tolerated but not respected
- Texas-OU weekend is an unofficial city holiday
The Golden Rule
- Talk trash about Wichita Falls all you https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-socialist-rally/ want...unless you're from Oklahoma
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By: Hannah Safir
Literature and Journalism -- University of Dayton
Member fo the Bio for the Society for Online Satire
WRITER BIO:
With a sharp pen and an even sharper wit, this Jewish college student writes satire that explores both the absurd and the serious. Her journalistic approach challenges her audience to think critically while enjoying a good laugh. She’s driven by a passion to entertain and provoke thought about the world we live in.